Parenthood Ain't For Sissies

Parenthood Ain’t For Sissies

This should be written on a bumper sticker, or a t-shirt at least.  I am constantly amazed at how many things can happen in the span of a morning.  Wait.  Let me correct that. In about an hour and ten minutes leading up to when the bus comes to take my kids away. 

From the moment that my feet hit the floor, my youngest is at my heels and while he has only just woken up he has enough energy to make me wonder if he has been up all night drinking espresso.  As I robotically go through my morning routine of washing and dressing he is already asking me random questions about what his best friend’s favorite color, what kind of shoes do you wear in college and why it isn’t September yet because he is so very ready to start kindergarten.  Thankfully, as I begin to head down the stairs he breaks off and goes back into his room to get dressed…or so he says.

Once downstairs in the kitchen I begin to get breakfast ready and assemble backpacks.  The counter is littered with lunch boxes, snack bags, plates, forks and waffle crumbs.  I can hear more pairs of feet hitting the floor, which is a good sign.  However, I then hear them head to the bathroom, flush and then head back to bed.  This is a bad sign.  Crap.

Once breakfast is on the table I go back upstairs to roust the troops and get them ready for their day.  Instead, I wind up yelling at my youngest as he has decided it is more important to set up a bowling game in his bedroom which my older two now want to play instead of getting dressed.  Once the bowling is put away everyone begins to take off their pajamas however not without a complaint about how cold it is and how no one wants to go to school.  I tell them to hurry up and get dressed as then they will be warm. Only my daughter buys into this.  However instead of wearing what we picked out last night she arrives at her bedroom door in a summer dress with rainbow tights and winter boots.  She insists that only her feet get cold and that this is the perfect outfit for her today.  It is 33 degrees…is she freaking kidding me? The look on her face tells me no.  The look on my face tells her she has five seconds to change or she is a dead duck.   My youngest finally appears dressed but his mouth has started again and as he goes down the stairs I can hear him tell me how he would never wear summer clothes when it is cold out…suck up. 

With only one kid left to check on I enter the room of my oldest.  He is standing at the foot of his bed with two shirts in his hands.  One is a GIANTS shirt and the other is a GREEN BAY shirt.  Blue or Green? It is a question of the ages.  He finally chooses blue and heads down stairs.  I quickly throw their beds together and then head downstairs for phase two…I need a coffee.

The minute I reach the bottom of the stairs I realize that no one is eating at the dining room table.  I hear a yelp and a scream from the kid’s den.  Crap!! They are on the damn Wii! The shouting begins a new and reluctantly, knowing they have been busted, they head to the table where they down their waffles and juice in about 2 minutes flat.  There is thankfully a minute of silence and I take this opportunity to pour myself a coffee.  Right as I am about to add the milk I hear, He Is Looking At Me!!”  Sigh.  I head back into the dining room to see my youngest smiling yet up to his sleeves in syrup.  My oldest two are laughing at him…I guess when you are little syrup if the best revenge.  Sigh again.

Once the table is cleared and a new shirt has been put on I am now at the worst part of the morning.  I would love it if we could all talk about our days ahead and discuss what we want for dinner.  But, no, instead we have to hunt for shoes, complain about what is for lunch and pray that no one has a meltdown or trips and falls before the bus comes.  Tears and the bus do not mix.  Trust me.  Where is my coffee?

Thankfully everyone finds their shoes, as well as their coats, hats and mittens.  I realize I am still in my slippers however do not care or have time to find proper shoes as once the train is moving to get the kids out the door you do not cause a derailment.  Everyone has now found the appropriate backpacks and the front door is opening.  Hurray! We are off on our day…until my daughter remembers that she has gym that morning and needs to go find her light up sneakers. Really? So back she goes as I try to keep the boys moving forward.  Once we reach the end of the driveway I can hear the breaks screeching from the bus as it turns the corner on to our street.     My daughter has not only found her light up shoes but has put them on and is blinking and flashing her way to the end of the driveway.  I give everyone a kiss and a hug, wish them well and tell them I will see them at pick-up.  I wave and smile as I see them drive away.  Then there is silence.  I head back in the house only to spy my coffee on the counter…it is cold.

I repeat…Parenthood Ain’t For Sissies.