Parenthood Ain’t For
Sissies
This should be written on a bumper sticker, or a t-shirt at
least. I am constantly amazed at how
many things can happen in the span of a morning. Wait.
Let me correct that. In about an hour and ten minutes leading up to when
the bus comes to take my kids away.
From the moment that my feet hit the floor, my youngest is
at my heels and while he has only just woken up he has enough energy to make me
wonder if he has been up all night drinking espresso. As I robotically go through my morning
routine of washing and dressing he is already asking me random questions about
what his best friend’s favorite color, what kind of shoes do you wear in
college and why it isn’t September yet because he is so very ready to start
kindergarten. Thankfully, as I begin to
head down the stairs he breaks off and goes back into his room to get
dressed…or so he says.
Once downstairs in the kitchen I begin to get breakfast
ready and assemble backpacks. The
counter is littered with lunch boxes, snack bags, plates, forks and waffle
crumbs. I can hear more pairs of feet
hitting the floor, which is a good sign.
However, I then hear them head to the bathroom, flush and then head back
to bed. This is a bad sign. Crap.
Once breakfast is on the table I go back upstairs to roust
the troops and get them ready for their day.
Instead, I wind up yelling at my youngest as he has decided it is more
important to set up a bowling game in his bedroom which my older two now want
to play instead of getting dressed. Once
the bowling is put away everyone begins to take off their pajamas however not
without a complaint about how cold it is and how no one wants to go to
school. I tell them to hurry up and get
dressed as then they will be warm. Only my daughter buys into this. However instead of wearing what we picked out
last night she arrives at her bedroom door in a summer dress with rainbow
tights and winter boots. She insists
that only her feet get cold and that this is the perfect outfit for her
today. It is 33 degrees…is she freaking
kidding me? The look on her face tells me no.
The look on my face tells her she has five seconds to change or she is a
dead duck. My youngest finally appears
dressed but his mouth has started again and as he goes down the stairs I can
hear him tell me how he would never wear summer clothes when it is cold
out…suck up.
With only one kid left to check on I enter the room of my
oldest. He is standing at the foot of
his bed with two shirts in his hands.
One is a GIANTS shirt and the other is a GREEN BAY shirt. Blue or Green? It is a question of the
ages. He finally chooses blue and heads
down stairs. I quickly throw their beds
together and then head downstairs for phase two…I need a coffee.
The minute I reach the bottom of the stairs I realize that
no one is eating at the dining room table.
I hear a yelp and a scream from the kid’s den. Crap!! They are on the damn Wii! The shouting
begins a new and reluctantly, knowing they have been busted, they head to the
table where they down their waffles and juice in about 2 minutes flat. There is thankfully a minute of silence and I
take this opportunity to pour myself a coffee.
Right as I am about to add the milk I hear, He Is Looking At Me!!” Sigh.
I head back into the dining room to see my youngest smiling yet up to
his sleeves in syrup. My oldest two are
laughing at him…I guess when you are little syrup if the best revenge. Sigh again.
Once the table is cleared and a new shirt has been put on I
am now at the worst part of the morning.
I would love it if we could all talk about our days ahead and discuss
what we want for dinner. But, no,
instead we have to hunt for shoes, complain about what is for lunch and pray
that no one has a meltdown or trips and falls before the bus comes. Tears and the bus do not mix. Trust me.
Where is my coffee?
Thankfully everyone finds their shoes, as well as their
coats, hats and mittens. I realize I am
still in my slippers however do not care or have time to find proper shoes as
once the train is moving to get the kids out the door you do not cause a
derailment. Everyone has now found the
appropriate backpacks and the front door is opening. Hurray! We are off on our day…until my
daughter remembers that she has gym that morning and needs to go find her light
up sneakers. Really? So back she goes as I try to keep the boys moving
forward. Once we reach the end of the
driveway I can hear the breaks screeching from the bus as it turns the corner
on to our street. My daughter has not
only found her light up shoes but has put them on and is blinking and flashing
her way to the end of the driveway. I
give everyone a kiss and a hug, wish them well and tell them I will see them at
pick-up. I wave and smile as I see them
drive away. Then there is silence. I head back in the house only to spy my coffee
on the counter…it is cold.
I repeat…Parenthood Ain’t For Sissies.
